


I Want to Ruin Us

by wakeupstiles



Category: Scream (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Coming Out, F/F, Fluff, Getting Together, Happy Ending, Light Angst, Love Confessions, Post S2, Requited Love, bisexual audrey, lesbian emma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-07
Updated: 2016-09-07
Packaged: 2018-08-13 11:35:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7975390
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wakeupstiles/pseuds/wakeupstiles
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Emma finally confronts Audrey about the confession in the barn. The outcome is not what Audrey expected.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Want to Ruin Us

“Have you told her yet?” Was the first thing Brooke asked as she walked into Emma’s house. Confusion warped Emma’s mind as she shut the door and turned to face her friend, who was looking at her with her brows arched so high they nearly disappeared into her hairline.

Emma furrowed her brows, crossing her arms. “Have I told who what?”

Brooke sighed, rolling her eyes. “Have you told Audrey the truth?”

“About what?” Emma questioned, walking past her friend and towards the kitchen. Her face was getting flushed, because she knew _exactly_ what Brooke was talking about and she _didn’t_ want to think about it.

But the blonde was persistent and she wasn’t going to let up. “About why you left her all those years ago. About why you pulled away from her.” She said, following Emma into the kitchen and hopping up on the counter.

Emma could feel Brooke staring intensely at her back as she rummaged through the fridge for something to eat, though she wasn’t hungry. She needed something to get her mind off the topic Brooke had brought up. “No, I haven’t told her.” She sighed, grabbing some ingredients for a veggie wrap and moving to the counter beside Brooke. She still wouldn’t make eye contact with her friend.

“Don’t you think you should?” Brooke tisked. Emma was seriously regretting telling her about the barn incident now.

The dirty blonde shrugged. “Would it even matter?” Annoyance was starting to build inside of her. She knew Brooke meant well, but as Emma had told her before, the subject was dead and needed to stay that way. But of course that didn’t stop Brooke from bringing it up, especially after Emma made the poor decision in telling her about Audrey’s confession to her in the barn. After she told Brooke what had happened, for two weeks Brooke would bring the topic up and try to persuade Emma into telling Audrey her feelings.

Brooke scoffed like Emma had just asked the most idiotic question possible. “Is that even a question?”

Emma laid her palms flat on the counter, closing her eyes and biting her lip. She finally looked up at her friend and murmured quietly, “It would just hurt her more. It would make her _hate_ me more.”

Brooke’s eyes softened and she placed a comforting hand on her friend’s shoulder. “She deserves to know, Emma. She deserves the truth.”

“Like she told me the truth?” She bit back, a little more forceful than necessary.

The blonde’s eyes widened slightly as she removed her hand from Emma’s shoulder. “I thought you two were moving past that? I thought you were healing?”

Emma squeezed her eyes shut and exhaled harshly through her nose. “We—we are. I don’t know why I brought it up.” She turned away from Brooke, leaning back against the counter, and crossing her arms. She knew Brooke was right, but she didn’t want everything to change. She and Audrey were finally moving past the Piper Thing. They were healing and rebuilding their friendship. For her to confess her feelings, for her to tell Audrey the _truth_ about why she left her all those years ago, it would revert all the progress they made and Audrey would despise her again. Probably more so than she had before. Emma didn’t want to risk it.

“It’s a defense mechanism. Change the subject in question to something different by asking another question unrelated to the original topic.” Brooke slid off the counter and moved in front of Emma, putting a gentle hand on the girl’s arm. Emma kept her eyes on the floor as she went on, her voice pleading, “You should tell her, Emma. You should really tell her.”

Emma let her arms drop, her shoulders slumping forward. “It would change everything.”

“Would that be a bad thing?”

“It could _turn_ it into a bad thing.”

Brooke gave a little shrug and a half smile. “Or it could turn it into a great thing. You’ll never know unless you tell her.”

Side stepping out of Brooke’s way, Emma began pacing the kitchen, running her hands through her hair anxiously. “You’re the only one I’ve told.” She looked back at Brooke. “You’re the only one who knows.”

"I’m not saying go to the roof of the school with a megaphone and shout that you’re a lesbian. I don’t want you to do that if it’ll make you uncomfortable. But Emma, not telling her has been ruining you ever since you left her. And it’s been ruining her, too.” Brooke was back in front of Emma, now. Her dark eyes staring at her so intently Emma thought she would be pushed back from the force. Putting her hands on her shoulders, Brooke went on, “If you tell her the truth about why you left maybe nothing will happen, maybe something will happen, maybe it’ll be bad, maybe it’ll be good. You’ll never know unless you tell her and you really, really should. If it was me, I would want to know.”

“Yeah.” Emma’s tone was defeated, her shoulders drooping low, nearly caving in on herself. She didn’t know what else to say because Brooke was right and she didn’t have any other excuses. She knew it needed to be done. 

“And Emma,” Brooke’s voice floated through her head, bringing the girl out of her negative thoughts.

“Hm?”

“You know none of the others will care, right? Noah, Zoe, Stavo, your mom. No one will care that you like girls. I mean, they’ll care, but in a good way. They’ll still love you. Your mom would _never_ stop loving you.” She said sincerely.

Emma half smiled and nodded. “Yeah, Brooke, I know. Thanks.”

“Just think about what I said, okay?” Emma nodded. Brooke gave her shoulders a squeeze, then headed towards the front door. As she stepped in the threshold, she turned back asking, “Call me later?”

“I will.” She assured. Five seconds later the front door opened, then clicked closed. Emma went to lock it, then sat on the end of the stairs, her head in her hands, her knees bouncing. A million things were rushing through her mind. Was she really going to do it? Was she going to risk everything? If she didn’t, Audrey would find out a different way. Nothing stayed hidden in Lakewood; secrets had a way of getting out and ruining everyone involved.

So she would do it. She would. She _had_ to.

Not because Brooke told her she needed to, but because the secret was eating her alive. Because every time she was close to Audrey her heart quickened and her face flushed. Because every time Emma saw Audrey smile she was envious that _she_ wasn’t the one causing the smile. Because every time Audrey laughed Emma felt like she was floating. Because, damn it, every time Audrey grabbed her hand for reassurance, Emma wished that it was _real._

Emma had to tell Audrey because not telling her was devouring her from the inside out, leaving her a hollow shell. Maybe Audrey would hate her afterwards, maybe she wouldn’t.

But _maybe_ things would be okay. Emma had to hold on to that little sliver of hope.

 

 

 

Emma knocked four times before Audrey answered the door. When the short brunette pulled the door open, her expression went from welcoming to concerned when she saw how anxious her best friend was. “Em, what’s wrong?” Audrey questioned worriedly, moving out of the way so she could walk in.

The dirty blonde stepped inside the house, chewing on her thumb nail. She had been so confident in the car, carefully planning out what she wanted to say. But now that she was in front of Audrey, now that it was _real,_ she was a fucking mess. “Em?” The concern was ever growing in Audrey’s tone.

Giving herself silent encouragement, Emma turned around and said, “We need to talk about what happened in the barn. What you said.”

Audrey haulted herself from going to comfort her friend. She shook her head vehemently and said, “We don’t have to talk about that.”

“Yes we do.” Emma pressed.

Audrey’s eyes slanted. “Well, I don’t want to.”

“I do.” She wouldn’t let up.

Frustrated started to build inside Audrey. It’d been months since the confession in the barn. That stupid, impulsive confession that could have ruined _everything._ Emma didn’t bring it up after it happened, so why now? “Emma, let’s just drop it, okay? Let’s just pretend I never said it.”

Emma shook her head. “I can’t do that.”

“Why not?” Audrey asked desperately. “Just let it go! It doesn’t mean anything anymore.”

“Because I loved you, too!” Emma blurted in frustration, chest heaving. She slapped her hands over her mouth, the feeling of dread consuming her. She felt as if she was having a heart attack. She hadn’t meant to shout it out like that, she really didn’t. She wanted to have a calm conversation, to explain everything to Audrey with precise, careful words, but nothing was ever calm with them. Not even a love confession.

Audrey search her mind for something to say, for any words at all, but nothing was forming coherently. All she could do was stare at Emma, eyes bulging, mouth hanging open in pure shock. But then, in seeing the way Emma’s body shook with anxiety, she was able to choke out two clear words, “You-you what?”

Emma loosely wrapped her arms around her body, shrugging slightly. She looked everywhere but at Audrey as she spoke, “I-I loved you, too.” Her voice was quiet. Audrey had to lean forward and strain her ears to hear her properly. “That’s why—that’s why I left you.” Emma confessed, finally looking at Audrey, her bright blue eyes glistening with unfallen tears and the hint of regret.

Audrey fell silent for a few more moments, soaking in the new information. Her mind was spinning; she couldn’t make sense of anything. Finally, she asked slowly, carefully, “You left me because you loved me?” Her brows were furrowed in confusion, her lips pinched and her nose scrunched.

“I couldn’t…” Emma trailed off, searching her brain for the right words, but there was no right way to tell the person you loved you abandoned them _because_ you loved them. With a sigh of agitation at herself, she just said, “I didn’t know what to do with those feelings. I was scared.”

“And you think I wasn’t?” Audrey barked a laugh, her voice raising a few octaves.

“I know you were! But I didn’t _know_ you felt the same way. I left because I didn’t know what to do. I felt all these things for girls— _you_ —that I didn’t feel for guys. I didn’t feel _anything_ for guys. And that _terrified_ me.” Emma’s eyes were glossy, voice ragged and choked. There were only two ways this conversation would end, she knew, and despite wanting to cry then and there, she wouldn’t allow herself to. Not until she knew the outcome.

Audrey knew exactly what Emma was describing. When she realized her feelings for Emma all those years ago, she went through a period of denial, then fear, then slowly towards acceptance. She couldn’t hate Emma for being frightened of her own feelings. She couldn’t demonize her from running away from them. “Does it still terrify you?” The brunette asked, her tone gentle and calm. “Does it still terrify you to have feelings for girls?”

The distress in Emma’s features was washed away with relief, her body instantly relaxing with Audrey’s understanding. She shook her head confidently, and this time when she spoke, her voice was strong and sure. “I’ve learned to love myself. I can finally say proudly that I like girls.” She took a few steps towards Audrey, testing the waters. “I _only_ like girls. I’m a lesbian.” She clarified proudly. Warmth spread through her in saying it aloud. She’d only ever told Brooke, and that was two years ago. But saying it now, with confidence pouring from her as she did so, made Emma feel like she could _finally_ be herself, that she was embracing who she was.

Audrey smiled, joy flowing through her like a calm wave. Seeing Emma smile like that, seeing the pure bliss in her features, how confident she was, that was something Audrey hadn’t seen in a really long time, and it made her heart nearly burst in the best way possible. “I’m really happy you’re comfortable in your own skin, now. I know…I know how hard that can be. To accept yourself.” She scratched the back of her head, thinking back to the cringe worthy barn confession. “I just wished you would have told me sooner.”

“I was going to tell you,” Emma assured quickly. “But then things got _complicated_ and coming out was the last thing on my mind.” Audrey nodded in understanding, and the silence overtook them once again. Audrey looked like she wanted to say something further, but argued with herself against it. Emma rocked back on her heels, bouncing slightly. _It’s now or never, Emma, no turning back now. You’ve come too damn far._ Clearing her throat to grab Audrey’s attention, Emma added, a little hesitantly at first, “And I’m telling you now because…” She trailed off, biting her lip and keeping her eyes locked on Audrey’s. Before she could change her mind she let the words tumble out, “Because my feelings for you never went away. And I am so sorry that I left you alone, Audrey. I’ll never be able to make it up to you. I’m—“

Audrey’s arms around her shut Emma’s rambling up immediately. “It’s okay, Emma. It’s okay.” Emma’s lips tugged into a smile as her arms wrapped around Audrey’s waist, holding her just as tightly. Audrey looked up at the girl, her heart thumping so loudly she was sure Emma could hear it. She hoped she didn’t look as nervous and she actually was, because _holy shit, this was real and it was happening,_ and Audrey thought she was about to combust. Here she was, with the girl she loved, who was telling her that _she loved her too._ It was like a dream. And if it was a dream, Audrey sure as hell never wanted to wake up.

Emma leaned her forehead against Audrey’s and exhaled a shallow sigh. “I’m not leaving again.”

The brunette gave a toothy grin. “Bi-furious and the Lesbean.”

Emma giggled. “Put that on a t-shirt.”

“Oh, I so will.”

“Hey, Audrey,” The taller girl’s voice had dropped to a whisper, and when Audrey made eye contact with her again, Emma was staring at her so intently it nearly knocked the breath out of her.

“Yeah, Em?” Audrey whispered back.

Emma leaned closer to her and whispered, “You, uh, you got mustard on your cheek.” She grinned as Audrey gasped and pulled away from her in horror, furiously wiping away at her skin with her shirtsleeve. “But seriously,” Emma held her hand out. “Let’s go somewhere to celebrate.”

Without hesitation, Audrey grabbed Emma’s hand and followed her out the door.

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know if I executed this well enough. When I came out I was already sure of myself and didn't have doubts or insecurities about my sexuality, but I know that's not the case for other people, so I hope I portrayed it well.


End file.
